October BABs
Everyone has different beliefs about Halloween. Is it Pagan? Is it wrong to celebrate? Who is correct? We can only look at history and see where it originated. What does that have to do with a BABs? Well, I will tell you. Big BABs United Executive Council has chosen someone to represent all BABs worldwide this month, but first let's take a look at why we feel this way.
It's believed the Celts originally celebrated what they called Samhain as far back as 500 B.C. They considered November 1st as their New Year's Day. Legend has it they believed the time leading up to the New Year was a transition between the worlds of the living and dead, almost like an open door. This is probably where the scary connotations of Halloween derived. The Celts would have bonfires and wear masks to disguise themselves from any ghosts present. It was also a time to celebrate their harvest and change of seasons. At some point, the Roman Empire conquered the Celtic territory and did some tweeking to the holiday to include a celebration of All Martyrs Day. Eventually Pope Gregory III expanded the concept to include all saints, as well as martyrs. As Christianity spread, the church began calling it All Souls' Day to celebrate everyone who came before us. They celebrated the festival with parades and dressing up as saints. Eventually Christians changed All Souls' Day into All-Hallows Eve, which is a Middle English translation for All Saints Day. Throughout time All-Hallows Eve evolved into what we now call Halloween.
I guess it's still a time to remember those who came before us and even give us the opportunity to "try on a costume" or different persona for fun. As most BABs know, though, this is NOT easy. Most of us are wives, moms, PTO members, church members, gym-swim-baseball-football or you fill-in-the-sport moms. We each play numerous roles in our daily life, but how often do we play the role we want? I'm not going to lie, but there are days I don't feel like facing a group of catty, Botox-filled and pilates-toned over achieving women. Who am I kidding? I NEVER feel pretty enough, smart enough, or thin enough to ever look forward to hanging with those hussies. There has never been a Bunco party, dance mom meeting or even church service that I didn't feel I at least needed cover stick for my dark eye bags. I've never felt ENOUGH just as I am, because as we all know judgement is everywhere. Unfortunately, it is often other women who feel just as insecure placing the judgement. Honestly, I'm not sure it's always their fault. It's the patriarchal society in which we live. As women, we all feel the need to be on the top of our game just to be seen in public. What if there was a place or environment where you weren't judged and could simply BE?
This month's BABs has not only created such an environment, but also made it safe to try on different personas/costumes - much like we do on Halloween.
I met Paula Ford Kokanovich in 2019. She is a barre instructor at Mountainside Fitness. Paula shares the same history as many of us women. She grew up in a purity male driven culture under the guise of religion. Nine years ago she and her husband wanted a change. That's right. HER HUSBAND. He actually left the culture before Paula. When asked why she chose to make a change and leave the only world/church she had ever known she uses an analogy.
"His shelf broke first. We all put up with so much in the name of tradition and at what point do you break and say, 'enough.'"
When asked what 'broke her shelf,' she responds, "the purity culture was too damaging to women. There is so much misinformation about sex and women's bodies. Not to mention the gender roles that have placed women as subservient to men for centuries."
Many of us might feel this way, but how many of us can say we are actually doing something about it. When the pandemic hit and we were all quarantined there was more time to ponder the world's problems, but Paula actually did something to make the world a better place for all of us.
She started teaching dance classes. Initially, she was certified through a company called Dirtylicious, but eventually decided she didn't agree with all the organization's rules. She felt women should be able to wear what they want in her class, so she began teaching choreography for all women. (I say all, because you don't have to have a dance background to attend.) I know what you're thinking. I was guilty too. I assumed it would be a room full of beautiful women judging and looking down on my mom physique. There are beautiful women there, but ZERO judgement. As a matter of fact, Paula goes over her rules at the beginning of class. "If you aren't here to hype and cheer for your sisters, then get the f#$*% out." I've been going off and on since last March and I have never felt judged. Ironically, it's just the opposite. I have met women who make me feel better about myself so on those days I don't feel like putting on makeup, I go anyway -and feel better after. I even enjoy trying on different costumes and makeup just because I can there. Outside of Halloween, it's the ONLY place or time in my life I can say without a doubt I won't be judged for whatever costume I wear. I can wear my hair HUGE and am celebrated for it. If I hadn't experienced it myself I wouldn't believe it either, because it's truly magical.
Some might say it's just for single women trying to meet men. The problem with that statement is I've never seen a straight man at Paula's classes and there's rarely men period. So what's the point? Paula says her goal is to create a safe space for women to have permission to explore sexy self-care through movement. As of this past June, Paula has been married to the same man for 25 years.
She says ladies will often ask her what her husband says about her dance classes. Her response is shock. "I always think why would my husband care if I go to dance class...and it makes me wonder what's going on in that marriage if she has to worry her husband won't allow her to go dance with a bunch of women!"
Women have the opportunity to record themselves if wanted. Paula invested in some lights off of Amazon so it's a little more flattering for all body types. "People can choose not to videotape if they want, but I encourage them to do it -for themselves. They can share it or not share it. It's for HER to decide." This brings up another one of Paula's class rules. She reminds everyone they are their own worst critics. The first class I attended she said, "If you take a vid, do not listen to that inner critic. Do not say anything negative about yourself. You would never say mean things about someone else. I know you wouldn't, so give yourself the same grace."
Paula changed her Instagram handle to un_apaula-getic. "No one should apologize for self-care and doing something to feel better about themself." Periodically, women will tell her their family members have seen their vids on social media and feel uncomfortable. "I say if someone feels uncomfortable they might want to ask themselves why, because that falls on them. Maybe they're uncomfortable with their own sexuality and seeing mom, aunt, grandma in a sexy outfit may not be the role or persona they expect, but that's okay. I want to provide a space for Aunt Jeni to feel sexy too," she says with a twinkle in her eye.
She describes her classes as an environment for celebration and support. "It's not just about dancing. It's about how women treat women and how men treat women. The misogynistic world we live in is so detrimental to a woman's self-esteem."
In dance class she reminds everyone that your body is just that - your body. "You might choose to share it with your spouse or partner, but it's still a choice. No one owns it but you."
When asked about school dress codes, Paula brings up a good point. "They are geared toward women. How is that fair? Do young girls need to feel ashamed about their bodies? And what kind of affect do these dress codes have on a teenage girl's body image." As a mom to two boys she says they've talked about respecting someone's body and the necessity of consent. She admits she can't say she knows how it feels to be a mom to a teenage girl, but as a mom to only girls, I can't help but think how comforting it would be if all the boys who had come and gone at our house had been raised with this credo.
When asked what is next for her, she says she would love to do concept videos. She explains they are videos that tell a story. "Maybe, someday I'll be asked to present at a conference." She laughs, takes a sip of coffee and says, "Wouldn't it be awesome if someone paid to put me up in a hotel and paid for my coffee!"
In class she says we are "changing the world one hump at a time." Yes, there may be some gyrating and humping in her classes, but something tells me that is only a fraction of the story. Paula Ford Kokanovich is definitely changing the worlds of anyone who attends her class. If you don't believe me, take class, try on a new persona or costume and then let's talk.
Comments